"The best so far" doesn't have to be - and probably isn't - "the best ever". You're still able to find something even better in your life; if you're here you're probably still young and have far more growth and new experiences ahead of you than you realize. The only thing ensuring you never grow beyond this pain is the fact that you tell yourself that, and prevent yourself from accepting any step in a positive direction.
it's hard to be fulfilled, that comes with discipline and experience. I heard the same thing a lot growing up, and it pissed me off to no end b/c i wanted so desperately amelioration for my pain. I had it all backwards. Pain is not a bad indicator, and fixing it isn't really necessary. Acceptance is though and no matter how important that other is, they will leave eventually. it's the nature of our frailty, the human condition is one marked by streaks of temporal relations and then letting go. celebrate who they are/were by incorporating the things you liked about them into you, that way you always have a part of them. The void you cause by suicide is far greater than you realize, you end up hurting so many others besides those you know. Hope this helps.
She was both the best and the worst thing to happen to me. Everything I could possibly dream of, and everything I despised. It felt like her existence was only made to mock me.I think of her every single night, my mind entertaining the idea of asking for her back- but then quickly overwritten by my disgust of her.It made me realize how broken of a person I am, how unfit I am for the society I live in. Every day I grow more and more distant, more and more isolated, losing all the friends I've ever had.I dropped out of university on a mood swing, two years of my life wasted because of emotional instability. Whatever I feel more free without it now anyway.I don't know how to make you feel better, I don't know how to make myself feel better. With the passing days the pain is slightly dulled evermore, but sometimes, when I'm laying in bed, I just burst out into tears, unaware of my own pain. Whether you are my friend or foe, none of us humans should experience the sorrows we do.
>>833op here.i feel you anon. i feel broken too, but i want you to know that because you care like this, you're a sweet person.it's okay to be broken. being broken doesn't make you unloveable.