i'm just coming to an impasse really. either i'm going to do it or i'm not. and i've worked through enough of the surrounding issues that the overwhelming factor is taking less of a role, if that makes any sense.in short, i'm becoming ok with it. as morbid as that sounds, im staring my own death in the face and i'm ok. he can sit over in his corner if he likes. but if he touches anyone close to me, he can take his ball and go the fuck home.
If anything this has made me reprioritize and recategorize everything. It's about context, about remembering who you are and who you were. Anger, passion, even the anxiety as fucked as that sounds, pull us all back in. If anything i care more for the people that i've known and currently know, and if the survival stick ever were to swing around again to me, i'd take it in a heartbeat. I'd always come back, if I could.it's not even feeling stuck anymore though. i feel...empowered. that i don't have to feel afraid anymore. not afraid of consequence or alienation. i can just be me, however long that is. and i can create a destiny for myself should i choose it. i've worked to be remembered over these past months. and i feel like i'll always have that.
I suppose this post really is more selfish in nature than it seemed, because it took me a long time and also discussion with someone that didn't judge me one way or the other for my decision. I know so many are lacking in that. Just keep looking because they're out there.If I end up sticking around (survival stick) then that's probably what I will end up doing eventually, if not supplying somewhere to provide that kind of counsel. It's more like one of those things where if you have doubts, any at all, don't. because that's your context pulling you back. i'm grateful for what i have and my experience, hoping to have more. But if not, then somwhere in the mind of someone else i have permanence. It's important to have that. to be remembered.
If I can't come back, thank you for all you did and all you tried to do.I'll never forget that.I broke through, and now it's your turn. Go be what I saw in you.Sorry for stealing your name too.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fascination_with_deathAs always there are a lot of things to consider.I am curious about what death holds. To a certain extent it represents, to me, the ultimate freedom. It is really the only achievable way humans have of transcending all laws of reality and fantasy (at least with our current knowledge and technology). It takes a certain kind of courage to stare death in the face without fear, or so I have been told.On the other hand I am equally curious about what the future holds for humanity. This curiosity is really the only thing keeping me alive at the moment. Looking at all the awesome new tech that comes out every day never ceases to amaze me.
I am hopeful that in my lifetime there will be great urgency and progress to cure death. There are some great people involved in the transhumanist and biotech industries. I am quite enamored by the teachings of Aubrey de Grey, bringing a rational approach to solving natural death. Thanks to the human condition we will never be satisfied even in a complete utopia. There will always be some knowledge that eludes us, such as any of the infinite questions with no answers. What it is like to be dead is just one of those.Without having a perfect knowledge of your life and situation I can only speculate. I sincerely wish you all the best in your endeavors.
Thanks for your comments. I'm interested in transhumanism in the sense that I think there should be some kind of marker or permanence to someone's life that they could leave behind other than the biological imperative.So much of our experience translates from the biological, as most of our brain is hardwired for that. But we've an abstraction now that we've created and it's not only a part of our world but it's a part of us too.So that's interesting. I just hope that we don't build these things too far too fast, so that we're not maturing with it. I don't expect anyone or anything to solve our problems, just what we can fix and carve a little life for ourselves and each other.