/lain/ - lain.iwakura

I feel like we might have a bit in common. I spent the last 3 years trying to be social and make some friends, and I think I'm actually doing pretty well now.

I still feel like with almost all people I'm playing a try-to-be-social game, consciously changing my behavior to be friendly and energetic around people. Multiple times I've felt like I've lost who I really am, like as if who myself is has become this formless emotionless being who puts on different masks and steals personality traits.

Despite that, I've still had a lot of fun and learned a lot from my friends. They make me feel better and I really enjoy being around them even though I'm coldly thinking about how to behave socially.

I think your idea of connecting with people is a high bar that doesn't have to be reached with most people. The people I feel like I've connected and I can "be myself" with, either I've known so well we feel like siblings or I can talk about stuff I really like and they like it too. This is like 4 people, and I only found them because I was trying to become friends with so many people.