Hey Hikki-chan, thanks for passing by, make yourself comfy in our cozy place. I think everyone knows about hikkis if they end up browsing sites like these. I'm not a hikki at all though, I (to some degree) understand them and sometimes romantisize the way they live, but on the long run I really enjoy sex and sports so I go with the flow. Maybe you should meet your friends sooner or later. A year isn't that much in friendship, but if you make 5 or 10 out if it, it becomes a different story. yknow?
Hey. I was looking for an image of Lain in ushanka hat (still haven't found it so if one of you two has it I'll be glad to accept it) and stumbled onto this chan. Kind of sad to see it dead, but isn't Lainchan kind of an extension of this one?
No, we are an independantly owned chan, not related or co-owned in conjuction with any other chans.
Sounds cozy. There's no need to go out, but the moment you realize there's something for you in the out$ide w0rld, you can just drop the bad habits. It's not that hard, have been there… more or less.>>1309
If you find it post it here. Also this board isn't dead, we like just it quiet sometimes
It's my second day here and I decided I would just make another comment in my own post so I don't spam create multiple threads, but as usual I am just feeling very isolated and alone. Today marks the year since my house fire where I almost died and lost everything, and it still feels like it was only a few months ago. I am very comfortable in my new space, but isolation has been messing with my thoughts. I only leave my bedroom maybe once a month to go to a market for junk food, but other than that I am locked in my room all day every day. I want friends again someday, and I feel like my thoughts become delusional and filled with paranoia. I'm happy we are all connected though, there's at least other people inside my monitor screen to connect with. I'm sorry for rambling.
Everyone here is so nice.
Also yeah it feels like it's not a year ago, because nothing happened in your year since then. Socialising is easy if you follow something in your life. For example if you plan to become good in something, you have to regularly go somewhere to learn it and will meet people who do so as well. But take your time, just dont get lost in the v0id
If your area is suitable for it, why not go for a walk? I go almost every day, just a quick stroll in the neighbour. It helps me keep sane.
I thought I replied to this thread but it made my reply as a whole new thread?
I swear I tried and I just get a blank drop down box and there's nothing on my end that resembles a delete button lmao. Um–
My area is suitable for walks, but there's just nowhere really to go and I get bored, I've become pretty addicted to online gaming and messaging boards. I'm very out of shape too, I'm an adult but only weigh around 95lbs and since I'm female I get a bit nervous going out alone because of creeps I've come across, even just going to the market. I know I may not be in danger and it's just weirdos saying weird/gross things, but it's still alarming to me and raises tension.
Lately even talking to the person I live with can leave me winded and tired since I don't talk much and am a mute by choice. I feel like my hiki syndrome is pretty bad, but I can admit I'm comfortable enough.
I'm just not taking very good care of myself. I shower once a day, and keep clean, but I barely drink water or eat food, usually just sticking to canned soda. I'm able to buy food, and I do, but I just lose the motivation to care about getting up to cook/leave my room, so it's rare that any of my meals are home made and not instant crap.
I just feel very drained and void of life, but I'm surviving and I feel like reaching out here is still a pretty big step since I haven't even felt the energy to interact with message boards until I found this place, usually I just lurk.
But thank you everybody for replying to this thread and letting me sort of vent here. I'm doing my best with this, I just have no drive lately. It's very difficult for me to find the strength to do much of anything, it could be the poor diet.
^ Thanks for that, might be a mobile thing or I'm just dumb.
I went out though for just a short twenty minutes yesterday, I met somebody who is just like me on Craigslist in order to receive a pet Siamese Rat. It was a fun exchange and I'm so happy to have such a smart and cuddly pet, I feel like a pet may help me emotionally a bit. Does everybody here know about the DJ - JJ and how he still continues music work for Serial Lain? On youtube he is Wasei JJ Chikida and his work is admirable.
I tried looking up what a Siamese rat is, but could only find cats.
Talking about this with a bunch of strangers may at least get it off my chest, but from how long I've been in isolation, I've felt delusional and get a bit paranoid, a lot of the time. I'm always thinking of morbid outcomes and ordeals, and always analyze everybody and everything and sometimes fall into the thought process that everything is a calculated move against me when somebody wants to be friends with me. I don't know how to break this. I cosplayed in the past before I lost my motivation and have had to deal with a lot of unhinged people - but even knowing that nobody is actively harassing me, I still sometimes feel as though I'm being watched. I just need to get out more soon, and make new friends. I had a lot of friends before my house fire, but now I am in an unfamiliar area and don't know anybody, nor do I even care to lately. I'm going to at least try and eat better and try to remember to open my window more for fresh air.
I just hope things can get better,
I know it's on me.
hello fren, my recommendation is to get a active outside hobby like sports or something, this really helped me after i turned 19 or so. Extreme sports are the best because it attracts all of the weirdos so you wont be very outta place. Have a comfy day.
Of course they talk about you in some weird way youve been a hikki for a year. They feel sorry for you and you make a pathetic impression. That doesnt mean that they dont want the best for you, that doesnt mean that they dont love you, that doesnt mean that they wouldnt support you if you chose to get better.
Its like when someone smokes - nobody likes it, everyone wants it to stop, but nobody comments it or says "hey! I want you to stop" because people think>its his business>they dont want me to help>I dont want to put him under pressure
It's just upsetting they would say that when I made the effort to ask for help finding a job and said I'd pitch in money towards rent, but it got met with laughter and mockery rather than it being seen as a good thing, idk.
It's OK, we are proud of you.
If it was mockery prove them wrong. See I have a very good and healthy relationship with my mother, but everytime she was proud of me for doing something I failed it miserably and everytime she mocked me and didnt think I would be good in something, I became so good, that in the end she brags about it my achievements infront of her friends. Prove them wrong, reclaim your human value.
What matters most is being happy. If you're living comfortable how you are now and it is sustainable, don't worry. If you truly cannot feel happy doing this, then do something about it. When my ex left me I felt awful and problems like lack of friends resurfaced, and I just went out and started talking to people. I've solved most of my external issues. It's all about objectively recognizing the issues you have and being honest with yourself and tackling them one by one. And it's all small things for the most part in your case I would assume. I would start by making a list of everything that you're not satisfied with/makes you unhappy or nervous. It may be long but start with the small things that take almost no effort and that list will shrink, dramatically.
sorry for the therapy session but I like helping people, it makes up for being a sociopathic mental piece of shit
Sorry for not replying right away, I have been self isolating pretty heavily again, the other day I slept almost 20+ hours and didn't even eat for nearly 40 hours. I know I need to do better, it's just been more and more of a struggle.
I decided to re-watch Lain, though, which helps to calm me down when I'm feeling my lowest. I really need to get out more, especially because the delusions are worsening.
I am trying to put in job applications though, work from home, since it may help to distract my mind and it would be nice to make a little income.
Even with there being no apparent threats nearby, I constantly feel there's danger, but I know these are just self made delusions and paranoia.
I want to feel better.
Typing here helps, if even a little.
Thank you everybody for listening to me.
I like to exhaust myself with physical activity because then I have less energy to worry, but if you are sleeping twenty hours a day, damn…
This! Also nice numbers
Working out completely fixed my life. It was never as bad but if you find something that needs you to get your shit together other than social pressure, it works wonders. Protipp is fighting. You need to have eaten 2-3hours before so youre not hungry not full, you need to have slept enough but not too much, you need to stop drinking and smoking otherwise youll just get your ass beaten within 30seconds.
How did working out fix your life?
>>1335>I slept almost 20+ hours and didn't even eat for nearly 40 hours
If you aren't eating properly, you won't have any energy to fix your problems. Before you start exercising, like some other anons are suggesting, I recommend learning to cook a meal from fresh ingredients yourself. Just look up "stir-fry recipes" or something, buy the ingredients and follow the instructions. Your mood will improve and you will feel satisfied for achieving something.
When you work out and take it somewhat seriously, youll start to eat healthy and regulary. Additionally you'll have a motivation to fix your sleeping schedule and a goal in general.
Also its just something you know is coming, after you wake up. It takes chaos out of the day.
I have been eating a little better recently, and have been trying to change my diet. I have been eating more veggies and fruits / meats, and am eating more frequently. I'm still a shut in and haven't ventured outside much, but I'm feeling a little better now that I have been eating alright foods. I'm surprised by everyone replying on here tbh and keeping up with this, the Lain community never fails to stay connected. Thank you for letting me use this place to vent a bit.
I'm going to try and work on feeling more present, something I really struggle with since I feel like I'm always outer body / not real? Idk.
I'm wondering if all of this is because of the house fire trauma I went through, and maybe it's deeply seeded. I honestly need to see a therapist, possibly, but I usually don't believe in that kind of stuff.
The internet helps though, if even a little.
As people have started recommending exercises here, I'll put my two cents in and recommend jogging. A watershed moment really encapsulates why I recommend it so much: when I stared, I was nearly constantly out of breath and miserable. But one day, literally overnight, I wasn't. I was still breathing heavily obviously, and wasn't even going any farther/faster than before, but I wasn't gasping for air. My breath was steady, and has been that way for every one of my runs since. Even when I pushed myself to go farther, even when I failed and had to start walking early, I never felt as out of breath as I did those fist couple of days. Just breathing better with seemingly no reason was an incredible feeling. As with anyone starting to exercise it's gonna suck at first, results are earned by long term dedication, but I found the results amazingly effective. When I started I couldn't even make it down the street without stopping to walk, so instead I alternated walking/running every lamp post I passed; just going down to the corner, around a block, and back. As I got better I extended the distance I would run non-stop before I would start alternating. It was a great feeling pushing my beast distance. Now I've started having to look for ways to extend my route, as I run all the way. I've not even lost any wight, but I feel better than I ever have.
I also recommend trying sleeping less if you struggle with fatigue, as strange as that sounds. A proper sleep schedule is something you should value highly. I've found that during my own time as a neet (I'm not fully out of this yet), I was sleeping for about 12 hours, and being up for about 12 hours every day; with no consistency as to when I would go to bed or wake up. In reality, I've found myself functioning best on only 6 hours of sleep a day; partly probably because in order to get that little, I had to start setting an alarm to wake myself up, and forcing myself to get up afterwards. Seriously, I struggled to stay awake for more than 12 hours before, and now I sometimes have to force myself to go to bed, despite getting less than half the sleep I was before. I suspect this counter-intuitive pattern is a result of an overly sedative lifestyle.
With all that said though, changing your entire lifestyle is much easier said than done, and I couldn't possibly do it alone. Getting someone to hold you accountable for failing to get up, exercise, look for a job; whatever, is probably the best advice I could give. Just someone to put some peer pressure on you to do these unpleasant things. If you decide to take up exercise for example it SHOULD be embarrassing to not follow through with your commitment.
I really appreciate how its not some overly energetic 14-second attention span profit milking bs.. this Kit guy presents it in a highly pleasant way.
Just took like 7 minutes to try out that stretch you linked, and wow it is really good. All you really need is just a wall to get started. Doing those stretches motivated me to also do some squats and pushups (thanks Dumbbell Nan Kilo Moteru). I also had a tektronix bench power supply within eyesight so I used that as some extra weight (convenient carry handles) and just 10 minutes got me breathing and sweating a little..
In summary please try doing some exercises whether you're hikki or not, they're good for the mind. (and seriously, you can get started with very little! No equipment nor space necessary)
ps I found changing into more comfortable shorts made doing some exercises much less annoying. If you're hikki you might as well just disrobe
It's been a little bit. I have been trying to connect with people more online, and have been very active on Discord. It's a lot of fun there, even though it can get a little on the rough side, I'm happy with the friends I have met. I still don't leave my room, and my family asked me why I haven't eaten much because the person I'm living with noticed I had not been in the kitchen or made food for myself for almost six days straight. I have a mini fridge in my room, so I try to survive off of whatever I can keep in my room to have even less reasons to need to leave. I really don't know how to break out of that habit, but I feel safe and comfortable here. In the end I just want things to get better, always feeling numb and devoid of any emotions is becoming a crippling condition, I can't even handle sunlight anymore from how sensitive my eyes have become. I have started taking supplements, and I feel sorry for being such a failure to the point I've ended up where I am, and it feels impossible to escape. Still, I will continue to try and make friends and connections online, and I'm thankful towards everybody who has kept up with my story here. I hope everyone is doing well.
૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა
Does your room not have windows?
I do have a window in my room, I just hardly open my curtains because my eyes have gotten used to the computer screens and the neon lighting / dark theme I have going for my room, honestly I need to at least start opening my window to get some fresh air and get my eyes slowly adjusted to light again. I don't do well with anything these days, and just live my life behind the screen rather than doing anything at all to help myself, even something as minor as opening the curtains.